Happy Valentine’s Day!  In its honor . . . and all the fake emotions we show during it . . . enjoy today’s list of the . . . Top 5 Lies Everyone Says on Valentine’s Day.

Your love is the only present I want.

Sure, let’s bring the kids on our dinner date.

Signing “Love, Dave” in a card makes up for the 364 days of the year that you’re a jacka**.

Chocolates AND flowers?  How original!

I don’t expect sex in return for anything I got you.

I love getting dressed up to go to a fancy restaurant on a weeknight that I would otherwise be in bed by 9.

I didn’t pick this gift up at CVS on the way home.

There’s nothing possessive about insisting that I be your Valentine.

I love you.